There’s nothing to go back to.

For 9 months, I reflected on my life before the miscarriage.

I tried to find “what to fix” or “what was I missing" so I could return to the epic, magical flow of monthly 5 figures in rhythm, reciprocity and regeneration I was in before the deep silence.

As a womb-led feminine entrepreneur, honoring my feminine rhythm fed me. Took care of me. Inspired me. The more I nourished myself, the more I overflowed through the creativity of my design work and containers.

Some here may feel it's obvious, you “figured this out” years ago, and to others it may sound delusional.

I asked everyone, the internet, friends, mentors, desperate:

“How do I feel creative and magnetic again after a miscarriage? How do I get out of the death portal? How can I feel the effortless creative magic and inspiration and the safety to receive instead of the freeze and deep silence? How do I fix my womb? I have bills to pay." 

I did not find a single answer.

But my answer, 9 months later, is this:

You don't.

 

You let death rebirth you
inside out,
& outside in.

You make things as soft
as you can
while the silence
& death in your womb
is still present.

The no-contact, the boundary,
the soft blanket,
the warm water bottle
for your womb when you bleed.

The commitment to daily walks
so your pup is cared for
and you get your fresh air.

The joy of waking up
to a clean kitchen
that you prepared for yourself
with your two little hands
and heart.

Celebrating yourself
instead of beating yourself
for how things “suck.”

The returning perspective
to little or big celebrations
instead of highlighting
everything that is crumbling
and seems to get worse
no matter what you try.

You do your best.

And you let death move
the world inside
and outside of you
in alignment with your rebirthing.

Because life
always
follows death.

Just as death,
always follows life.

You let the people that leave, leave. You let the space be made. You do not make anything mean anything about your worth. You appreciate and bless the angels that come out from under the beautiful rocks to help and move boxes and cook for you and hug you as you carry yourself on your own. You get closer to God. You receive all that is surfacing from this space made and celebrate your new chapter in peace & power because you are not a victim to anything or anyone.

The life I was giving myself before the miscarriage was fully, absolutely sourced by my connection to my womb. Rhythmic, regenerative and reciprocal. It made sense.

The more I honored my own rhythm, the creativity was deeper, the reciprocity and regenerative nature of how I used my womb's energy made sense.

I was very focused on my life and on a very specific energy: Nourishment.

Financial abundance sourced through nourishment.

I approached nourishment as a self-sustaining force that does not participating in extraction. It is regenerative and sustainable, rythmic and reciprocal.

Some people may be ultra familiar with this perspective, and to others it may sound delusional.

Whatever that feels like for each reader, I can attest: it worked for me. And it made sense. We are animals and nature provides everything that a life needs for it's life to be sustained. Not from couch-potatoing or wishful thinking or manifestation practices, but from harmony with self, precision with action and rhythm, and this selective discernment from WHERE nourishment is coming from.

And it was so simple. The more I filled my cup while I bled, the more I took space to listen to all that arose during this sacred time. The larger clarity I had to make the next cycle better. The more energized I felt throught my follicular and ovulation. The more magic I created. The bigger things I envisiond and held and said yes to. The more money flowed in, in the same ease I would take a nap whenever I needed it.  

We are animals and nature provides everything that a life needs for it's life to be sustained. Not from couch-potatoing or wishful thinking. But from selective discernment from WHERE nourishment is coming from.

We are the only animals who have discarded this paradigm of nourishment = abundance and abundance deepens through nourishment. We are the only species no this planet that has consciously or subconsciously entered an extractive paradigm of leaving ourselves last to feed a cycle that feeds us through draining our spirit, bypassing our womb’s rhythm and sitting on our gifts.